2013

As I look back on 2013, it seems that it was the biggest roller coaster year we've experienced as individuals and as a family. It started off pretty average. Owen was settling into his routine. I was staying at home, crafting, and substitute teaching occasionally. Mark was continuing his work as a private music instructor and occasionally substitute teaching as well. We lived in a cozy simple little two bedroom apartment and life was pretty easy.

This was the first picture I took in 2013, Owen was almost 6 months old

And here he is at 6 months!

Both Mark and I got into our separate interests of cooking and crafting but also made time to record and do some crafting together.

February rolled around and Owen was quite the Valentines Day charmer

Late February was about the time that Mark was seriously considering pursuing a math credential at UC Davis. I also was pushing for moving back to Marin. He wanted to give Novato a try and save money by commuting to work and school. We got a lot of apple boxes from Nugget for the move.

 While Mark was in Davis during his work week, Owen and I would garden and head to the city to visit family, mainly my mom. I felt this pull to try and help her. I had blogged before the move about how I felt that she was slipping through the cracks. I had no idea just how far. Cutting back those blackberry bushes and planting rows and rows of sunflowers from seed was the best therapy at the time.

Ready for the drive across the Golden Gate

I'm grateful that Owen and I got to see her the times that we did. I'm so grateful that she got to meet her grandson, even if she didn't live to see Lyla. I miss my mom every single day. Some nights I can't sleep very well thinking about her. Mark has been a strong source of comfort for me. Her suicide has been the hardest thing for me to stomach. I can't tell you the feelings I had the weeks that led up to it. I felt a thick fog of depression and this feeling of not being able to do anything. I felt 7 again, hovering by the bathroom door when she fell asleep in the bathtub, watching and praying that she wouldn't drown. She was amazing and losing her this year was the heaviest loss to my heart and soul ever. 

Life was turned upside down. I was glad to be in Marin, glad to be with family, but continued to feel numb. Mark decided that teaching was not his thing and so I thought I'd pursue a special education credential while we continued to live with family. I felt strange physically strange though and discovered a week after my mom's passing that I was 6 weeks pregnant. 

Though I am smiling in the picture, I was feeling very unsettled. Our baby girl was a surprise and I knew I would be letting go of plans like living in Marin and going to grad school. I also had so much weight on my heart with the loss of my mom. I worried that I would snap under all these emotional highs and lows. 

Visiting family in July was the best medicine. I wish we all lived closer because there's nothing like family to make you feel loved to your core. I can't get enough of those people. We're too spread out, from Hawaii to Bogota. Someday we'll have a reunion. 

After our fun trip we moved back to Davis and into a sweet little duplex right across the street from a beautiful park. It's been a great place to live and feels completely like home. Mark and I got the nursery all painted and prepped, and Owen even helped organize some clothes.

I started work part time in early september back at the preschool. Working there made the wait time for baby girl fly by. As a family we did our usual traditions of Apple Hill and Silveyville for our tree. Owen grew so much since last year. Mark took a picture of me with a saw and had me do my best "high school senior" photo. I did more laughing then posing. 

After months of waiting our little girl decided to arrive, just before the end of the year. All three of us were immediately smitten. I have to say she is the best gift that we have received,  and we have been tremendously blessed by family and friends this season. It's been the most trying year but along the many bumps in the road, there have been many blessings. Happy 2014 everybody!