Time Outs/Lyla is 2 months!/Where I'm at

It is the end of February and Lyla is already two months and I am taking forever tonight with blogging. It was a rainy day filled with cleaning and organizing. I made a list of all the things I needed to do (including writing this blog!) and steadily worked on chores all day before we head down to see family for the weekend.  I also braved the trip to the pharmacy with both kids to pick up various necessary meds. It was an adventure. Owen entertained people in line and stacked medicine containers while I rocked Lyla in my front pack and cleaned up said containers. Chasing two under two is a major life adjustment. More on that later. First the kids.

I am loving being a mommy, but we have entered a new phase and of course, my first baby is stretching me. I love his fun personality and I also dread the times where I have to cut things short and be relentless about discipline. I'll start with the fun pictures. I love watching O sit on the windowsill and play. He loves looking out at the world and I can hear him start to label what he sees. He's an expert bus alarm. 

Can you see him telling me a story?

 Owen came up to me with this plastic container of crayons and said, "open!". Being the relaxed mom I am, of course I did it, knowing full well that he would not color with them. This almost 20 month old just wanted to throw handfuls of crayons around the kitchen, (thank goodness these crayons were from the dollar store). As soon as he had finished he wanted to move onto to the next activity, but I told him that we first must clean up and showed him a few times what I meant. He did not like this activity but of course he had to do it. What's interesting is that I remember this dance from back when I was a little kid who only wanted to play. I can still feel that annoying burning pain of what I now know is called responsibility, as an adult I just experience it in a bigger measure. It took O about a half an hour to complete this task, even with his mom's help because he would get distracted, but I kept the gate closed until it was done. He would say "alllldone!" even when there were 20 crayons still on the floor.

The big clean up

avoiding "keen up"

The other part of this story is that I've started time outs. O occasionally has the urge to hit his sister on the head. I have him take a 1 minute timeout. Removing him from the situation to "think" seems to help. I don't let him get up until the minute is over and then he says a very emphatic "sdorrry". I'm actually making a little blue felt rectangle that I can have him sit on which will be useful if we aren't home. It took a day to learn that I meant business. I originally put him in his crib when he hit but I don't want him to associate his bed with negative things, just good pure sleep. Disciplining your first baby is not easy. I have to really assess and limit the words that I use to explain to him what is right and wrong. "No hit" and "just hugs and loves" or "be gentle". Plus, it's hard when he has that twinkle in his eye just before he does something naughty. He knows full well! I have such a soft spot for this little stinker.

 Now onto our other little love. Lyla is already 2 months. Time has flown by. She is cooing and smiling but it's hard to capture on camera. She is an easy baby and I feel guilty that I am so wrapped up in what her brother is doing. We had her two month shots yesterday. I was actually by myself with both our kids since Mark had to work. Owen was just glad that he wasn't getting shots and would look at the doctor and nurses warily. Lyla whimpered a bit afterwards and eventually fell asleep on the way home. I treated myself to drive through coffee and Owen took a long afternoon nap. Here are pictures from today, she doesn't look too affected by her shots.

 

examining mom's handiwork 

sweet girl

And now I'll share where I'm at. Lately I've been realizing that I've struggled with depression on and off my whole life. I think that's why I have to be constantly doing something. Being active and busy isn't necessarily bad. I sewed this strand of felt hearts for Valentine's Day. I also finally recorded a song that my coworker had requested I write over a year ago. Doing these things is definitely life giving but not when am so hard on myself for not doing more. I am learning now to relax and to give myself grace. I am far from the perfect wife, mom, crafter, coworker, song writer... I am just me. I agonize over doing things right, especially this mothering thing. I want my children to know how much I  love them, especially when I have to discipline. Not having my own mother around and knowing that she took her own life weighs on me quite a bit and quite frequently. I've been contemplating sharing some songs that I've been writing while I'm processing all this life, even the harder experiences. We'll see.